Getting old

I updated my iPhone recently to Apple’s latest iteration of its mobile operating system, iOS 7. Spent three days relearning how to use the damn thing.

Kept reading about Miley Cyrus’ scandalous television performance at MTV’s Video Music Awards. Apparently she was “twerking .” I still don’t know what that entails, but I gather it is doubly offensive because she’s white.

Was chatting with a female coworker firmly from the millennial generation. Her plans for the evening? World of Warcraft. I assured her I wouldn’t judge her because I didn’t know enough about it to form an opinion either way.

Blurred lines? Only if I remove my prescription glasses.

Yeah, getting old.

I used to be a renegade,
I used to fool around
But I couldn’t take the punishment,
and had to settle down
Now I’m playing it real straight,
and yes I cut my hair
You might think I’m crazy,
but I don’t even care

Hip to be square?

Nah. Just a square.

I used to be quite good with technology. Could program the VCR—even the Betamax!—with ease. Reset the clock on the microwave in a jiffy. Operate a tape-deck like a pro. Whizzed around Windows 3.1, no problem.

And yet.

I fear iOS 7 may have been my Waterloo.

Honestly, what’s an aging digital immigrant to do?

Maybe it’s time to reactivate my Facebook and Instagram accounts? Or are they passé? I read somewhere the kids were abandoning Facebook in droves as the Boomers were starting to clue in.

Or should I just start Tumblring and Pintering—though I don’t really get the point, or the difference, of either. Tumblr is for men, Pinterest for women, right?

Check in with FourSquare? But why?

Post a bunch of NSFW pics to my Twitter feed? Or do I have to say my phone was hacked?

Make a sex tape? Or is “tape” a red flag? Should it be a sex M-PEG? A sex flash video?

Sigh. Is there a digital Saint Helena? I want to go to there.

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